Adapted from “Star Status Dads”  by Pete Bertolero

Proverbs 17:6, 20:7,

    General Lee took his 8-year old son, Custis, out for a walk on a snowy day. Custis soon got behind because the snow was so deep. Lee looked back to see how his son was doing and found Custis struggling to keep up but doing a pretty good job for such a small boy.  What caught Lee’s attention was that Custis was imitating his every move, placing his little feet in every one of his dad’s footprints in the snow. Lee later wrote about it: “When I saw this, I said to myself, it behooves me to walk very straight when this fellow is already following in my tracks.”

Almost every father and man starts out with an awesome advantage: natural admiration from children.  Wise fathers, like General Lee, recognize their privileged position and build upon it by modeling pious character.  They are intentional about making clear impressions in the snow for admiring youth to follow.

Our Creator instills in children a natural ability to know right from wrong.  And because they’re encouraged to do right, children swiftly recognize what’s wrong!  A child’s greatest disappointment may come when he or she discovers that a role model’s integrity has been compromised by sin: lying, stealing, immorality.  The depth of such wounds may be bottomless. Proverbs says that injuries from a role model’s broken trust “go down into [a child’s] innermost parts.”  If his moral compass isn’t pointing heavenward, the shining role model, be he father or father figure, becomes a fallen star.  When it comes to influencing the younger generation, there is no substitute for personal integrity, honor and character!  Through our integrity, our children -- in fact all youth who are secretly watching our lives -- gain advantage, empowerment and inspiration.  Instead of curses, we pass generational blessings!  All Christian men must maintain our witness and Christian values, despite the culture of moral poverty in which we live for the sake of the generation that will step into our footprints.

 Beliefs vs. Behaviors
    Consider our society.  There is very little correlation between its beliefs and its behaviors.  Patrick Morley in Man in the Mirror answers the question of why society has fallen into such a steep moral decline, despite so many “Christian” men. 

He writes –

The sad reality is that claims of religious commitment run high, but impact is at an all time low. At the very point when Christians have ‘come out of the closet’ our culture has sunk into a moral sewer. The unfortunate result of this religious popularity is that since the mid-seventies a(n) impoverished value has evolved: cultural Christianity.  Cultural Christianity means to pursue the God we want instead of the God who is …, wanting Him to be more of a grandfather-type who … lets us have our own way. It is wanting the God we have underlined in our Bibles without wanting the rest of Him, too.

   Morely goes on to say –

Cultural Christianity (has) little or no impact on the values and beliefs of our society.  [It} requires God to grant us personal peace and affluence to prove He loves us.  Like the transformer toys …, we often want God to be adjustable – to adapt to our whims instead of us adapting to Him.

In a word, we want to remake Yahweh in our own image. We want Him to be adaptable, conformable, inconsistent, negotiable.  The qualities we want in a god are the exact qualities that erode others’ confidence in our stability. 

But listen to this: in an extensive two-year study, nearly 80% of students listed parents as their biggest moral influences. No one else even came close.  Therefore, the re-creation of manhood as a vital social role is our most urgent domestic challenge.  On the parish level, wouldn’t each man do well to intentionally make greater strides toward the godly role model our children and young adults crave and need?  Man, your word, your interaction, sometimes even your look, has a significant influence upon those young people who look at you.  And they are looking.

Dahmer

   NBC Nightly News did a story on the brain of Jeffrey Dahmer, who was convicted in 1992 of unspeakable crimes. He was serving a 957-year sentence when he was murdered.  Dahmer’s mother wanted Jeffrey’s brain studied to find a biological predisposed to violence. His father wanted it buried with the rest of the body.  This man had been searching his soul since the discovery of his son’s crimes. In his book, A Father’s Story, Lionel Dahmer chose only to include innocent pictures of Jeffrey’s childhood: photos of the toe-headed little boy doing child-like activities appears every 30 pages or so.  Jeffrey was a handsome boy with a charming smile and shy demeanor, like thousands of others. 
  

What went wrong?  What emerges in A Father’s Story is neglect and divorce; a wife and mother who struggled with loneliness and depression; a father consumed with work – too busy to notice, let alone spend quality time with his son.  With no physical affection or verbal affirmation, Jeffrey began to drift away. Lionel Dahmer writes –

I wasn’t there to see him as he began to sink into himself. I wasn’t there to sense, even if I could have sensed it, that he might be drifting toward that unimaginable realm of fantasy and isolation that would take almost thirty years to recognize.

Hear those haunting words again: “I wasn’t there,” “He began to sink into himself,” “He might be drifting.”  Lionel Dahmer identified the process known already by psychologists around the world: When a passive father neglects to nurture and mold his children, they begin to sink into themselves.  Children who have been dismissed by their male role models begin to drift like ships without a guiding star.

Protoplasm
   Robert Lewis wrote that the typical grandparent is a sentimental, fawning, ingratiating mass of elderly protoplasm!  Ooh, that hurts.  Victor Hugo wrote that though some fathers have no honor or affection, “there is no grandfather who does not adore his grandchildren.”  Proverbs 17:6 reflects this truth: “Grandchildren are the crown of old men, and the glory of sons are their fathers.”  I believe this applies to all the elder men in the church – you and I are ‘church fathers.’  The Bible here offers us two sparkling words: “crown” and “glory.”  Our leaders don’t wear crowns anymore, but the idea still holds great significance.  Older men feel a sense of honor and achievement in the godly behavior of the children they care for: they are crowned with honor! 

The other word, “glory,” shines with beauty, value and significance. It could also be translated as “boasting.”  We men, especially fathers, should be living reasons for our young people to boast. Shouldn’t we be bragged upon?  Sure!  Young people find significance in learning that they are derived from good, noble, honorable stock, both physically and spiritually.  When this is not so, the damage may be so complete that, even if they do fulfill their life’s goals, young people still experience a deep sense of purposelessness.

Testimonials

As evidence, consider the testimony of the Bo Jackson,

“My father never seen me play professional baseball or football…I tried to have a relationship with him, gave him my number, said, ‘Dad, call me. I’ll fly you in.’ Can you imagine? I’m Bo Jackson, one of the so-called premier athletes in the country, and I’m sitting in the locker room and envying every one of my teammates whose Dad would come in and talk to them after the game. I never experienced that.”

Actress Sophia Loren felt the same way.  The subject of her late father came up in an interview and this is what she said:

"He shaped me as a person more than any other man. It was the dream of my life to have a father. And that is why I sought him everywhere. I spent most of my life looking for substitutes for him. I still wonder what he was thinking as he saw me up there on the movie screen. With all the grandiose gifts I have received in my life, my most treasured possession is the only toy my father ever gave me—a little blue car with my name on it." (Miss Loren only saw her father 6 times in her life.)

A godly man will deposit a fund of consistency and care that young people will reference their entire lives.  All men and women look to be approved by their male elders, even if these men are dead.  In fact, there’s a great deal of dependence upon the father-image even if that person was never even known.

Consider this true story and you’ll understand what I mean:

“My father was killed in WWII when I was three years old. I knew in my heart that he loved me; my mother told me that. But I always longed to hear it from him. When my mother and stepfather retired, I came to help them pack. Mom took an old army photograph of my father off of her dresser and gave it to me. She said, ‘Here, this is for you. I know your father would have wanted you to have it.’ It was the same photograph I had seen for many years. As I took the picture from her, I dropped it; the cheap metal frame hit the floor and broke, shattering the glass.

   Sick at heart, I reached down to salvage what was left. Behind the photograph I found a letter long since forgotten. It was from my father to his three-year old son, the last letter he had written before he died. In it he said he loved me and that he longed to come home and be with me. I had heard the words I needed from a father who was long since dead.”

Why did this older adult yearn to hear his father say, “I love you”?  And why was he so excited to share his discovery? Because, as the wise father of the Proverbs wrote, “The glory of sons is their fathers.”  Why does an unkind word from dad pierce a young person’s heart?  Because “The glory of sons is their fathers.”  Why does a three-year-old run joyfully into father’s arms at the end of the day as if the king had come? Because “The glory of sons is their fathers.”  Why does even the famous ache for the affection of a father figure?  Because “The glory of sons is their fathers.”

How to Recapture the Glory of Sons

   If you’ve lost them, I’ve got good news for you.  Men, it’s not too late to recapture your crown and glory.  Although some damage may never be undone, it’s not too late to start afresh and get it right.  Paul of the Bible was never a biological father, but he was the father figure to many adults throughout Asia.  He writes to his “spiritual children” regarding his fatherly nurture. 

Men, here is a first lesson in starting over:

1 Thessalonians 2: You are witnesses, and so is God, of how holy, righteous and blameless we were among you who believed. For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory.

He says that, as a father figure, he has been a blameless caregiver of integrity.  He has encouraged and comforted, urging his “children” to live lives worthy of the Almighty Father in Heaven.  He reminds them of their calling into Yahshua’s Kingdom and persuades them to seek Yahweh’s glory rather than their own.  He admonishes them to follow his godly example.  I’m sure that he would agree; that:

Each one of us men may begin anew with those who are watching us, young or old.  Men, we start with ourselves.  We choose godliness over worldliness.  We choose peace instead of conflict.  We choose encouragement rather than detraction.  We choose to pray and praise rather than criticize.  We choose to take more time for others even if it means less for ourselves.  We choose to see the young people who intersect our lives through the eyes of Yahshua rather than through the eyes of the past.  We write them.  We talk to them.  We correct them in love when needed.  Even if, as adults, they let us down time after time, we choose to see them again in the light of their highest potential, just as when they were children. 

   Urge the young people in your sphere of influence onward to the same worthiness and godliness to which you aspire.  Sometimes that means abandoning the role of a  “sentimental, fawning, ingratiating mass of elderly protoplasm” and being tough in our love.  Our loved ones will come to respect the changes in us, though it may take time, consistency, and effort.  

Make a New Start

   Change your image with the others in your world; make a new start if need be.  Yahweh will forgive your sins against the children and, since he is the Almighty Father and cares for you, will rewrite history entirely to set all things aright.  If you will forgive, you will be forgiven.  That’s the Bible promise.  The poet Goethe writes, “The happiest man is he who is able to integrate the end of his life with it’s beginning.”  Through the Almighty Father, a human father figure can reconcile the faults of his youth with whatever age or stage he finds himself in today.  In committing to reconciliation, he will regain integrity and become an object of emulation and respect rather than disdain.  Your effort will certainly pay off, even if payment is received after you are but a fond memory.

   Men, fathers, grandfathers: May each one of you acquire godliness and receive accolades. 

For our fathers, who have given us life and love, that we may show them respect and love, we pray to you, Heavenly Father…

For fathers who have lost a child through death, that their faith may give them hope, and their family and friends console them, we pray to you, Heavenly Father…

For men, though without children of their own, who like fathers have nurtured and cared for us, we pray to you, Heavenly Father…

 For fathers, who have been unable to be a source of strength, who have not responded to their children and have not sustained their families, we pray to you, Heavenly Father…

Yahweh our Father, in your wisdom and love you made all things.  Bless these men, that they may be strengthened as Christian fathers.  Let the example of their faith and love shine forth.  Grant that we, their sons and daughters, may honor them always with a spirit of profound respect.

QUIT YE LIKE MEN

By: Rusty Lee Thomas

"Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit ye like men, be strong." (1Cor.16:13)

To the modern ear, the phrase, ‘Quit ye like men," may sound somewhat foreign. In fact, this statement, apart from its Biblical revelation, may inadvertently confuse the reader. You may relate this expression as one that aptly portrays the tragic plight of the contemporary American male. A manhood that simply quits, runs from responsibilities, and seeks self-gratification as the ultimate meaning in life. It appears, at first, maybe to inspire men with an appealing call to our basest nature, "Be a man and just quit." But I assure you, Biblically, that is not the case at all. The truth is, this maxim uttered by the Apostle Paul under the inspiration of the Holy Ghost calls for the complete opposite. It is a direct challenge by Almighty God for men to rise up and act like men. It is defined, not by this world system, the Feminist Movement, nor hedonistic males, but is defined by the Creator of the Universe. It is a heavenly mandate for men to be strong and to act courageously.

The Lord, according to this Scripture, presupposes strength to be a male virtue. He also declares that women are the weaker vessel. (1 Peter 3:7) It is important, especially in today’s feminized culture to distinguish what God means by weaker. He is not advocating the idea that women are inferior, less intelligent, not capable, or second class citizens in His Kingdom. He is, however, stating there is a distinct difference between the make-up of a man as compared to women. Unfortunately, we live in a time where the "Powers that Be" are trying to remove all distinctions between the sexes to create a gender-blender society. This lunacy is the fall-out of modern liberalism. It is a failed attempt to equalize outcome by government decree. Thus lowering, or in some cases, even removing the Biblical standards by which we ought to live. The other travesty of liberalism is radical individualism, where selfishness, greed, and pride are magically transformed, again by government decree, from vice to virtue. This is, at its very roots, the attempt by rebellious man to cast off God’s defining roles that He has established for men and women.

The consequences of these humanistic doctrines are far-reaching. Men have lost their masculine identity. They have either become filled with rage and abuse or have fallen prey to homosexuality. Women who appear to have won the battle for their rights, have tragically lost the war as they now face life alone as single moms. Of course, the ones who have suffered the most are our children. They have become a prey to evil, because men are missing in action, thereby setting adrift our children on a sea of violence and perversion.

Biblically, there is a solution to the battle of the sexes that will repair the breach and restore the building block of our society, the God-ordained family. According to God’s word, in Christ, there is no male nor female. (Gal. 3:28) In other words, when it comes to value, God loves us all the same. In salvation, God removes the barriers between men and women that the Enemy exploits to divide us and makes us one in Him. On the other hand, God also reveals the concept of function. It is in function, that God makes a major distinction between men and women. The Scriptures teach that the man is to be the head over the woman, in marriage specifically, and generally, women are not allowed by God to usurp authority over men. (1 Cor. 11:3 & 1 Tim. 2:12) God’s purpose in this is not to elevate the man over the woman as superior in value. In fact, the opposite is true. God values women as unique, so He ordains men to use their strength to provide, protect, and defend women and children. The problem is, we have thrown the baby out with the bath water. Primarily because of the inherent weaknesses contained within us. First, men who are responsible before God to exercise proper leadership, either abandon that role and become irresponsible or take the role as a dictator, thereby using their strength to abuse women and children to satisfy their own selfish whims. The weakness within women is to try and manipulate the man to dominate him. The combination of weak men and dominate females is the predominant curse upon our culture. One that has unleashed an enemy that is savaging our children.

The Biblical revelation of men being strong in order to serve God, their wives, and children is what gave birth to the whole notion of Chivalry. It is a model of leadership based upon Patriarchy, which simply means "the family ruler." Without this understanding, there is nothing to reclaim the masculine identity that will effectively turn men from being predators to protectors and providers. The bottom line is, men will eventually embrace one of two models of masculinity that will define their manhood and capability to lead. The first model is what we inherited from the first Adam (earthly man) and the second model is what has been made available to men by the second Adam, the Lord Jesus Christ (the heavenly man). The first Adam represents manhood separated from God. It is a manhood that is primarily concerned with self-preservation, self-gratification, and pleasure-seeking. It is a failed manhood that naturally gravitates towards irresponsibility. It seeks to please self at the expense of others and is manhood devoid of transcendent meaning. In other words, this kind of manhood doesn’t perceive an objective truth beyond the dictates of his own carnal whims, passions and desires. To those whose manhood is governed by these factors, there is nothing really worth living for except self, because there is nothing worth dying for.

Thankfully, the second Adam, the Lord Jesus Christ, rejected that cowardly notion and laid down His life for a wicked world that He still loves. He settled that issue two thousand years ago by enduring the agonizing torture upon a cruel cross for the sins of mankind. According to Jesus’ example, there is something worth living for and worth dying for, beyond our own personal considerations. By contrast, to the first Adam, the second Adam (Christ) represents life in union with God. His manhood was influenced by spiritual direction, destiny, and based on faith, not carnal selfish whims. His manhood was elevated masculinity that was defined by a life-giving spirit instead of a life-taking legacy we inherited from the first Adam.

FOUR MANHOOD PRINCIPLES

I’m convinced, if America is to be restored and find the remedy that will heal our land, then men must return to the God-ordained role and inclination to direct, protect, and provide for the family. The following four principles are absolutely essential to reclaiming the masculine identity and to restore men to authentic Biblical manhood.

1) Real men reject passivity: Boys and men possess a natural inclination to be aggressive, to initiate, explore, and achieve. But the sad truth is, men, especially today, seem to become passive where it matters the most. In our homes, amongst our families, and in our communities men are generally passive towards righteousness and aggressive towards evil. This is part of the curse men have inherited from Adam. What God imparted to Adam, authentic Biblical manhood, Adam squandered by being passive while Eve was committing moral and spiritual suicide. As naturally aggressive as Adam was, when the moment of authentic manhood arrived, when he called upon to act responsibly, to take charge spiritually, and to protect his woman, Adam just stood there. Unfortunately, men have been just standing there ever since while this same enemy kills, steals, and destroys our marriages, wives and children. Passivity must end and men who are naturally angry, must get angry for the right reasons. It must be holy anger and a righteous indignation against evil in all forms and not an anger that erupts because someone interrupts our selfish pursuits and irresponsibilities.

2) Real men accept responsibility: Adam was entrusted with four main responsibilities: A battle to fight, ("subdue and take dominion") a work to do, ("cultivate the garden") a will to obey, ("don’t eat the tree of the knowledge of good and evil") and a woman to love (Eve). These are the primary responsibilities entrusted to men. Where the first Adam failed, the second Adam, the Lord Jesus Christ, triumphed. In Christ, men can embrace and fulfill these four primary responsibilities as we follow His example. Jesus said, "My food is to do the will of Him who sent me, and to accomplish His work." (John 4:34)

3) A real man leads courageously: Authentic men were designed by God to lead, not follow. Adam forfeited his ability to lead when he refused to step forward with God’s word and lead his wife. This inaction is precisely the curse plaguing men today. We have a bunch of neutered, feminized men who passively submit to evil, tyranny, and injustice, instead of aggressively leading their homes and communities with God’s truth. The results have been devastating and has wrought chaos in our nation. In Matthew 4:1-10, when Jesus was tempted to passively submit to Satan and his schemes, Jesus cried out, "BEGONE SATAN!" This is the essence of the commanding cry needed in manly leadership today. Manly leadership demands men to have courage to master their passions and bridle themselves with the principles of God’s truth. Only then can men effectively lead courageously.

4) A real man expects the greater reward: Though authentic manhood is challenging, sacrificial, and burdensome at times, it is also quite fulfilling and deeply rewarding. The example of Jesus in Heb. 12:1,2 reveals that He endured the cross because of the joy that was set before Him. In other words, Jesus was empowered to endure the agony of the cross by the sheer joy of knowing His sacrifice was going to be rewarded by rescuing mankind from sin, death, hell, and the grave. One wonders what might be reclaimed, restored, and rescued in this generation, if men today had this same godly perspective?

We see this same powerful insight in the life of Moses. In Hebrews 11:24-26, "By faith Moses, when he was come to years, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter; Choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season; Esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures of Egypt: for he had respect unto the recompence of the reward." How about you, O man of God? Are we going to give in to the dictates of the Spirit of the Age, our carnal desires and a natural inclination towards irresponsibility for temporal self-gratification, or will we repent and return to authentic Biblical manhood and receive the eternal reward? I believe our God, our nation, our wives and our children await an answer.